A guest post by Deanna Atkins for CupidsPulse.com
It used to be clear: If a guy was interested in you, he would ask for your number. If you were intrigued, you’d comply and give up the goods. After that, it would be up to the gentleman to decide when to call you and ask you out (or not).
This method seemed simple enough, so when did all of this ambiguity arise in the dating world?
Well, let’s review.
When was the last time you received a phone call from a boy who wanted to take you out on a date? When was the last time you were asked out on an actual date, even just dinner and a movie? And when was the last time you pursued your crush without using Facebook to help you out? That’s what we thought.
Without even realizing it, Facebook has embedded itself into the way we interact with people. It’s easier to send someone a friend request after you’ve first met than to actually ask for his or her number. There’s less investment and less of a risk this way, which can make the gesture seem less sincere – and sometimes, it is.
A friend request can insinuate one of three things: that he’s into you; that he’s social and likes to accumulate Facebook friends; or that he literally just wants to be your friend. It can mean something, or it can mean absolutely nothing, which can be highly discouraging if you have hyped yourself up and called all of your friends and grandmother because of that one notification.
Without playing the devil’s advocate here, let’s assume that he friended you in an effort to get your attention and get to know you better. It’s still lame and not nearly as gratifying as if he asked you out in person. Sure, it’s a reason to be excited, but it’s not very romantic. You want a guy to have a little more guts than that, right ladies?
Consider how many times you have met a guy and immediately checked out his Facebook stats. You analyze his Facebook activity, or you may get a little more stalker-ish and look at his past relationships as well as every picture on his page. All girls engage in this behavior at one time or another – it’s like a routine. We’re all judgmental beings, and Facebook can just make us mean.
It’s hard to tell whether or not Mark Zuckerberg’s baby helps or hurts modern daters, but one thing can be determined: It’s not beneficial to couples. Those Facebook users who are involved in relationships can now access entirely too much information about their significant other. You can dig up dirt on your partner and also build-up ammunition for your next argument. People from your past can come back to haunt you. Of course, they may just want to “reconnect,” but that can be a dangerous path to venture down. What can start out as a meaningless chat with your ex can lead to something that makes your spouse really uncomfortable and upset.
There are ways to navigate the pitfalls that Facebook brings to relationships. For instance, my parents each have Facebook accounts, but they know each other’s passwords and have access to one another’s pages. Ask yourself: Would you give your password to your partner? If not, are there things that you’re hiding? Is your committed relationship really that perfect if you need to keep things from your significant other?
Until now, couples never had to worry about these things. Maybe it’s better to discover things about your partner sooner than later, but remember that it’s a give and take. It’s not being naive, but there are certain things you’re just better off not knowing.
It’s important to remember that Facebook isn’t evil. It allows you to instantly get in touch with tons of people while making you feel important, wanted and in-demand – which you are! But when it comes to dating, we need to bring ourselves back to the real world. Instead of poking that hot bartender on Facebook, go get a drink with your girlfriends and try chatting him up. You’ll feel so much better when you come out from behind your computer screen and make a real connection.
CupidsPulse.com is a first-of-its-kind relationship site that takes the latest celebrity news and repackages it to help singles and couples navigate their love lives.