In creating WotWentWrong, I wanted to develop an informative and constructive, yet upbeat way to address a problem that affects people universally. And in this blog, while I am addressing real-life situations that have caused some pain for the protagonists, I’ve tried to do it in a thoughtful yet entertaining way. Having said that, I’m going to get a little serious now because I think that this situation calls for it.
As thankful and awestruck as I am that WotWentWrong is getting such extensive coverage and is a hot topic in the twitterverse, I must admit I am quite surprised about the backlash that it’s attracting. My first response is that the voices of detractors are always the loudest. The people that think it’s a worthwhile concept are likely to be a lot quieter than the haters.
But I can’t bury my head in the sand that way. After all, I have just created a feedback-focused website, and to discard all this feedback in this way would probably be a little hypocritical. So, I should consider the WotWentWrong tag line and take it to heart: “Find Out. Learn. Move On.” Let’s break it down.
I have now found out that this is not only a contentious issue that people love to debate, but it has touched a nerve in many people. Some have suggested it’s a great way to destroy your self-esteem; others have said that in using WotWentWrong, you are defining yourself as a stalker or desperate. There are those have said they would rather not know what went wrong. OK, I hear you.
What can I learn from this experience? I think I can learn that not everyone will understand where I’m coming from without a more detailed explanation of what I’m trying to achieve with this website. I haven’t been so forthcoming with it, so it’s understandable.
So let me explain my thinking.
10 years ago there was no Facebook, no Twitter, people still used landlines and fax machines, and online dating was considered the exclusive domain of the desperate single. Today, many of us consult Facebook and Twitter daily for our social interactions, everybody’s got a smartphone, and online dating has become the norm, with 1 in 5 couples in America meeting through online dating. What do all of these have in common? They have all caused major disruptions in one way or another. Our lives are changed (for better or worse – according to your opinion) because of them.
So, you’re probably wondering where I’m going with this. Perhaps it’s a little audacious, even arrogant, but I really wanted to see if I could change the way people operate with regards to relationship breakups. I imagined a world where women were no longer left wondering whether a guy was going to call her after the date or whether he had decided to fadeaway without giving her a “thanks but no thanks”. It was a nice thought, but I realized it was probably not going to come to fruition. So what was the next best thing? Providing a way for her to get clarity on what went wrong so that she isn’t left wondering and taking those issues and insecurities into her next dating situation.
I imagined in this new, disrupted world, instead of analyzing these dates, picking over every little thing that she could have done wrong, she employs the much more efficient and (hopefully) accurate method of asking him what went wrong. (Scandalous, I know.) For the woman who would rather not know, that is her prerogative. But for the person who is open to hearing constructive feedback with the idea it will help her for the next time – or if the relationship’s demise had nothing to do with her, but was due to another reason entirely – why shouldn’t she benefit from being relieved of endless doubt? Kind of liberating, no? And in this new, disrupted world, people would change their perception of this request – from being stalkery to coming from a more evolved person, able to review their missteps and take action to improve for next time. Remember, 10 years ago online dating wasn’t so socially acceptable, either.
I’m really hoping that after you have read this blog post, you’ll understand where I’m coming from and what I’m trying to achieve. And if you still decide that WotWentWrong isn’t for you, that’s your choice. It was never meant to be the solution for 100% of the population. But if you do think the website has some merit, please comment on this post, tweet about it or send me feedback through the feedback tab on the homepage. I’d like to know if you like the site and you would use it. And what additional features you think would be useful. Thanks!